The Future

I'm feeling very pensive today.

My milestone bday has given me a lot to think about, and my current living/working situation has also made me think a lot about that I want.

I will most likely be unemployed in the next six weeks. It's something that I've known is coming, but as I'm living in the unemployment capital of the US at the moment I'm going to have to put a lot of thought in what I do next.

I've always wanted to travel but to be honest I just don't want to do it alone. I've always had the fantasy of traveling with my dream guy. Also, I've done the moving around thing so much already I really don't think I can handle a new place, making new friends, scouting for a job in a strange city...it's all too much.

My friend suggested that I should take some time off and just write. I've always had ambitions to be a writer. When I had no time I just didn't get the opportunity to write. And when I had the time I simply wasn't in the right mindset. But now I'm beginning to feel it. I'm actually wishing June would hurry up so I can make a plan and write all day (I have some ideas)

I sometimes feel that I just go through the motions. I keep my head down at work, wish for the weekend to come, spend my weekend reading or watching TV and then start it all over on Monday.

I know there are a lot of people who don't know what they want out of life, and my desire to plan everything just lends to being let down when things don't work out the way I want, but I have to believe that I'm meant to do something. While there may not be such a thing as an "ordinary life" I always feel that that's what I have, and I'd really like to change it. So watch this space, maybe things will change for the better.