The Story of the Moment

There's a huge story in the UK at the moment and that's the story of reality TV star Jade Goody who at 27 has terminal cancer and has been given only a few months to live. Like most of the British public I've been following this story quite a bit (mostly because i check the British papers often in a way to stay connected to my home country)

I've known very little about Jade, never having watched her in TV shows or read much about her but that fact that she's only 3 years older than me and is dying has really struck a chord with me. I can't imagine being so young and being faced with something so horrible. It's made me look at my life and identify things that i need to change. If I only had 3 years to live, would I be satisfied with how my life had played out? The answer to that question is probably no.

I've wanted to do so much and be so adventurous and I realize that I haven't gotten around to do any of it. I think this is mostly due to that fact that the things I want seem to be contradictions. I want to travel the world, but have stability and get my life in order. I want a great job but secretly want to sit on a beach somewhere and write a novel. I want to fall in love with unavailable men and want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with...so you see, I'm pretty screwed up.

Apart from contemplating my own mortality and dreams I've also been thinking a lot about how cancer affected my own family. My Mother battled breast cancer a few years ago and I've found that I can't think about it without tearing up. My parents and I were talking about Jade Goody and other people who have suffered with cancer this morning at breakfast and I found that I couldn't look at my Mum without wanting to cry and I felt that she was trying not to as well. It's a horrible situation, on I never want to relive and one I never want her or anyone else I know to face again. The sense of helplessness is overwhelming and something that I have never been able to describe properly.

As I write this Jade Goody has just married her long time boyfriend. I think it's wonderful that she's embracing life even in the face of death and i like to add my voice to the chorus of those wishing her well. It's sad that it takes a story like this to make people look at their lives in a different way. I certainly intend to do everything in my power to live the life I crave.