Nudge

I'm feeling kind of lonely at the moment. It's one of those loneliness's that lingers even though you're surrounded by people. I have my roommate, my family and friends...but somehow i don't think I'm connecting well with people at the moment.

Maybe that's why I've been reading so much lately, you don't have to discuss what you're thinking with the characters in books.

I feel like I'm living in limbo at the moment. Jobless, basically homeless, not really connecting with anyone (friends or guys/potential boyfriends etc) it's like I'm waiting for something to happen because I can't really make anything happen on my own.

I suppose this isn't making a huge amount of sense. I think I've always thought luck would enter into it somewhere. You always here of people getting lucky breaks, winning the impossible job, getting the guy, being discovered on a street corner etc. I guess i just thought that when you needed it fate would somehow step in and give you a nudge in the right direction...I seem to be missing that. Maybe its naive to believe in fate all, maybe things don't happen for a reason...but I was never brought up to believe that.

When I was in middle school and my Parents were looking for a house my Mum fell in love with an old converted barn. It was her dream house, historical and rare...something that you don't usually find in the States. After putting in bids and all the run around people go through to get a house, she was left waiting, wondering if she/we would get it. I remember very clearly her saying "if it's meant to be then it will be, if not we weren't supposed to have it"

I've always believed that but sometimes I wonder if the person pulling the strings likes to take extended coffee breaks... I don't think I really expect something to magically fall out of the sky and make things better but it would be awfully nice if it did. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a nudge in the right direction.