I've always sucked at dating as I'm sure readers of this blog can probably attest by now and after a rather unpleasant disaster of a dating situation earlier in the year, I bit the bullet and joined an online dating site.
I can tell you of two couples in my life who have met (and fallen sickeningly in love) on a dating site and being the cynical but overly romantic girl that I am, I figured I didn't have much to lose.
Being someone new on a dating site is something akin to being catnip. It doesn't matter what your interest are, what you're looking for or generally who you are, the pictures are the only things that matter. You will be judged based on that picture where you look drunk, the selfie that only includes you face (and boobs), that unflattering picture where someone could assume you have a double chin and the lack of any full body pictures. Beware: if you don't include a full body pic you will be slammed by shallow assholes claiming you are misrepresenting yourself. Whether you like it or not, you will be declared a fatty, and not worth that same shallow asshole's time.
Granted, this isn't a big loss for you as the guys who judge you because you don't have full body pictures tend to also be the ones who take half naked selfies in the bathroom mirror, covered in baby oil and flexing. So I guess it's win win.
Don't get me wrong, You will inevitably judge people by their pictures too, it's human nature and I don't care how nice someone seems, if he looks like a serial killer in his pictures guess what? I'm not replying. If you're not attracted to them online, what makes you think you'll be attracted to them in real life? There's someone out there for everyone (in theory anyway).
So, now you have pictures out of the way you have to sum up your entire being in a couple of paragraphs. Write too little and you're being secretive, write too much and you're a clingy nightmare who wants to get married NOW. There is really no good way to do this. I would highly suggest being as honest as possible though. There's no point in going through the (let's face it) tedious series of email questions back and forth if you have lied and don't like any of the things your potential suitor thinks you do.
Nice girls may have trouble with this next bit but please, for the sake of your sanity and the feelings of the guys you are not interested in, DON'T REPLY TO EVERY MESSAGE YOU GET. If you truly aren't interested in a person, just don't do anything. You can send one of those "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" mass emails if you truly feel the need but I would highly suggest just not replying. This may sound mean, and I'm sure these guys are lovely, but you've gotta be attracted to them in some way, right? there's no point in going through a slew of "do you like pets?" "what's your favorite color?" type questions that bore you senseless and make you want to run over your laptop with a truck, if you're not at least interested in the person. Be ruthless because the guys who are ignoring your messages aren't taking any prisoners and neither should you. Don't settle just because it's online.
So what if you go through this entire process, manage to find someone who doesn't repulse you and who isn't a pervert, emotional fuckwit, stoner, douchebage or serial killer, what's next?
The dreaded first date.
Under no circumstances should you go see the guys band play, go to his house to watch a movie or do anything where you won't be surrounded by a ton of people (hopefully some burly men) who can jump in to help if anything goes wrong. This is, of course, common sense (but you'd be amazed how many people lack this).
Choose a very public place, preferably one you have been to before. It's always better to know your surroundings and feel comfortable, not simply because you'll be safer (although, obviously it's a good thing) but because if you're relaxed, you won't feel so nervous about meeting a stranger. The rest is pretty self explanatory (you don't need me to tell you how to date in real life). If you feel comfortable and like him, keep seeing him, if not, break it off before expectations are too high.
And if all goes well you'll end up happily ever after... unless of course it doesn't because let' s face it, life isn't fairytale and you generally aren't the girl who fairytales happen to. If you were, you wouldn't be online dating in the first place.
This is where any advice/suggestions I would have for you would have to end because I am yet to have a successful online dating experience. Don't get me wrong I haven't just been on a series of first dates with a slew of knuckle-draggers. I've been treated well by the guy I did choose to meet in person only to be told after a couple of months or so "I don't want a relationship".
Ah ladies, therein lies the rub, right? This is the male catchall when they can't/won't tell you the truth. After all, you're on a dating site, if you don't want a relationship what the f*ck are you doing on there in the first place? And don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that phrase on it's own, it's the fact that it's used as a get out of jail free card by men who don't have the balls to be honest.
Be prepared that this could happen at anytime. The male assumption is that all women are looking for a serious relationship and have this obsessive desire to procreate before they hit 30. Well if Mr. I don't want a relationship had deigned to ask me, he would have found out that I didn't want one either. Not with him anyway (Seriously, the guy had 9 (!!!) pictures of his dog in the living room, no pictures of family or friends, just the freakin dog!)
So, what's a girl to do? that's right, she starts from the beginning again. There really isn't one fool proof plan on how to land someone online, just like there isn't a fool proof way to date in real life. You just have to know yourself, know what you're willing to put up with, willing to understand that no one's perfect and that if worst comes to worst, there's always another dating site to try.
And when you do meet that hottie in the bar and think your online dating profile has officially met it's match, screen him the same way you would the guy with the crazy eyes who asked you to be "naked buddies" online. Because seriously, they're all the same. Good luck!
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