Decision Time

It's been over a year since I moved back from Newcastle (1 year and 16 days to be exact) and I've fallen very easily back into my relatively solitary and mind numbingly boring life. I'm back working in a field that set my teeth on edge and makes me want to punch people, I'm back living with my parents, feeling like a failure most of the time and I'm back obsessing about my calorie intake in a quest to finally be the perfect size 6 (under the supervision of a nutritionist just FYI).

So, I've given living in the States a good few years and am still unhappy. It's decision time.

The most fun times of my life were from when I was 13-15 and when I was at Uni in Newcastle. During both of these admittedly rather limited periods of time, I was living in England and I think It's time to go home.

You can't force someone to be happy somewhere. My brother hated living in England and spent the majority of his time locked in his room playing video games. I feel the same way in the States, and I figure I've put in the time to try and get used to it (14 years in all).

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about living in America (although the Political ads this time of year can be tedious). This is a great place to live and is somewhere my family have made an amazing home with amazing friends, I'm just tired of being the "English Girl".

I'm sick of people at work discussing my accent as though it's a party trick. I'm sick of getting stopped in shops and asked if I know "Bob and Susan who moved somewhere near London" and I'm exhausted  with being torn in two because what I want and what my family wants are two different things.

When my Parents moved away from England my Nan was crushed. She was as close to my Mum as I am to her now. They were best friends as well as mother and daughter and I can't help feeling (and I've felt this for a long time) that my moving back to England will seem like some karmic payback on the universes (and my Nan's) behalf. I know it's not that but I think the reason I've stayed so long is because I don't just love my family, I like my family. I enjoy spending time with them and while I adjusted to being thousands of miles away last year, forever is a really long time.

My Parent's are as supportive as ever. My Dad in particular knows how I feel and told me if I'm not happy I need to make a change (or perhaps he just wants me out of his house).

I'm giving myself until June 2013 to get my shit together, save some money and pray that the British economy rebounds so that I can find a job. It's an exciting prospect and I'm looking forward to the adventure.