As I'm sure I've said more than once I've been in the business of applying for grad school recently. My mind has been occupied with personal essays, academic statements and writing samples. I've been worrying about reference letters, filling the applications in correctly, and where on Earth I'll find the money to go if I do get accepted.
Today I've finished everything. My application's in, my references are being checked out, my transcripts are being sent and I've edited my lengthy writing sample. All of this leaves me with an overwhelming sense of lack of purpose.
Once I had decided what I wanted I was able to concentrate on it. Worrying about a job and money went out the window because I was finally doing something about it. Once I post my writing sample this week, all of that will be over. I will spend millions of hours wondering if I've done everything I need to do. Should I have volunteered somewhere? should I have participated in extra curricular stuff when an undergrad? will I get in?
I don't know how long it will take for me to get an answer and if I don't get in what I'll do then. I have a couple of back up schools, both are less practical for me and places that would disrupt my life more. But even if I didn't get in anywhere I wouldn't stop writing.
Now that I'm finished I have to find something with which to occupy my time. I've started applying for jobs again. Something I stopped doing out of sheer exhaustion. They say the economy is on the mend, that things should be getting back to normal, but I've seen no evidence of it.
My weeks stretch out before me like they have done since May. On the plus side Fall is coming up quickly, my favorite time of year. Then there's Halloween and Christmas, my two favorite holidays. I'm hoping to find a job soon. I feel like I've paid my dues. I've suffered unemployment with everyone else...now I just want a f**king job. Please keep your fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for me.
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